Dating Expert & Relationship Expert Stephany Alexander – Bio

May 19, 2009

How to Move On After a Breakup

Filed under: Uncategorized — datingrelationshipexpert @ 4:36 pm
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How to move on

  Breaking up can be a painful and unpleasant experience no matter which party chose to call it quits. Some women can just wake up one day and feel better about the lost relationship. For others, the need to cling onto what you once had, especially when times were good is strong and can make it difficult to cut him loose. But when it’s over, it’s over and for your own sanity and mental well-being, you need to learn how to let go.

So how can you move on after a breakup? Here are some tips to help you:

• Unless there is a child involved, sever all ties with your ex. Don’t call, email, stalk him on Myspace, show up at his workplace or in any way have any further contact with him. If he’s still hanging around your mutual hang-outs, try to steer clear and go someplace new in town. Put some space between the two of you so you don’t obsess over what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with.
• Don’t rush to get into another relationship. It’s not fair to your "rebound guy" and you’re only setting yourself up for more hurt. Take some time for yourself before rushing to get with someone else.
• If there was abuse in the relationship, seek help dealing with this. You could seek counseling, talk with a good friend, meet with a religious leader or read a self-help book. Whatever it takes for you to overcome the pain of the abusive relationship is needed before you can completely move on with your life.
• Throw out the junk. Get rid of your old love letters, photos, that teddy bear he won you at the fair when you first started dating; throw out everything that reminds you of him.
• Do something for yourself. Take time to care for yourself. Visit a spa, get a pedicure or manicure or get your hair done. Even something as small as buying a new outfit that makes you feel great can help boost your self-esteem and your emotional state.
• Have a good support system. It’s important that you have someone you can talk to and lean on during your breakup. You will want to release your feelings and emotions and it helps to have a good shoulder to cry on. But be sure it’s a healthy situation. Don’t cry to your ex’s best friend or that cute guy at the bar. Your support system should be your mom, your best girlfriends or even a counselor or therapist.

Many women discover that it’s not their ex they’re having such a hard time letting go of but actually the feeling of being in a relationship. Being part of a couple makes us feel complete and whole. It can make us feel safe and there is a security in this, even if the relationship itself is bad. We cling to what is familiar to us even if it isn’t right or even healthy for us. Until you truly move on and let go of your ex, you will never be able to move forward into new healthy relationships.

 

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Break up or Make Up? When to Forgive and When to Move On

Filed under: Uncategorized — datingrelationshipexpert @ 4:33 pm
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Make up or Break up

  So you’ve had a fight, or maybe you’ve been having fights for some time now and it just doesn’t seem like things are working out. Has your partner cheated on you, lied to you, or used and abused you in some way which has caused you to think that breaking may be the right thing to do? How do you do you know if it’s time to break up or make up? How can you determine when it’s a good idea to forgive your partner and when it’s best to just move on with your life?

The truth of the matter is that no one else on this earth can tell you exactly what you should do. Ultimately, only you can make these types of decisions about what is best for you and only you and your partner together can determine whether or not your relationship with work. However, we’ve all been in a situation where it was difficult to know what to do and making the right decision was clouded by emotions.

Studies show that people who are married or in committed relationships are healthier, happier and live longer lives yet the divorce rates are higher than ever before and fewer people are getting married than in the past. So what does this mean? People are falling in love but many don’t know how to stay that way. You shouldn’t have to stay in a bad relationship and we definitely aren’t saying you should stay in an abusive or threatening relationship but this isn’t to say you should run away every time things aren’t going quite your way. Typically you will only find yourself in the same situation in future relationships unless you learn to deal with problems maturely.

When deciding if you should make up or break up, here are some things to consider:

• Was there abuse involved?
• Is your partner an addict of some sort?
• If your partner willing to get help for an addiction or other problem?
• Has your partner expressed remorse for what he has done?
• Does your partner also want to work things out?
• Can you forgive your partner for hurting you?
• Do you love him and want to be with him?
• Do you still feel happy in the relationship?

If you are unable to forgive your partner for what he has done, then it’s time to move on. If you stay in the relationship harboring resentment and anger it will tear you apart and make you both miserable. However, in many cases the problems can be resolved and the couple can learn to rebuild from some of the most destructive relationship problems such as infidelity. Many couples make up and go on to live happy lives together and some are even strengthened by the problem that once threatened to destroy them.