Dating Expert & Relationship Expert Stephany Alexander – Bio

May 19, 2009

Break up or Make Up? When to Forgive and When to Move On

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Make up or Break up

  So you’ve had a fight, or maybe you’ve been having fights for some time now and it just doesn’t seem like things are working out. Has your partner cheated on you, lied to you, or used and abused you in some way which has caused you to think that breaking may be the right thing to do? How do you do you know if it’s time to break up or make up? How can you determine when it’s a good idea to forgive your partner and when it’s best to just move on with your life?

The truth of the matter is that no one else on this earth can tell you exactly what you should do. Ultimately, only you can make these types of decisions about what is best for you and only you and your partner together can determine whether or not your relationship with work. However, we’ve all been in a situation where it was difficult to know what to do and making the right decision was clouded by emotions.

Studies show that people who are married or in committed relationships are healthier, happier and live longer lives yet the divorce rates are higher than ever before and fewer people are getting married than in the past. So what does this mean? People are falling in love but many don’t know how to stay that way. You shouldn’t have to stay in a bad relationship and we definitely aren’t saying you should stay in an abusive or threatening relationship but this isn’t to say you should run away every time things aren’t going quite your way. Typically you will only find yourself in the same situation in future relationships unless you learn to deal with problems maturely.

When deciding if you should make up or break up, here are some things to consider:

• Was there abuse involved?
• Is your partner an addict of some sort?
• If your partner willing to get help for an addiction or other problem?
• Has your partner expressed remorse for what he has done?
• Does your partner also want to work things out?
• Can you forgive your partner for hurting you?
• Do you love him and want to be with him?
• Do you still feel happy in the relationship?

If you are unable to forgive your partner for what he has done, then it’s time to move on. If you stay in the relationship harboring resentment and anger it will tear you apart and make you both miserable. However, in many cases the problems can be resolved and the couple can learn to rebuild from some of the most destructive relationship problems such as infidelity. Many couples make up and go on to live happy lives together and some are even strengthened by the problem that once threatened to destroy them.