Dating Expert & Relationship Expert Stephany Alexander – Bio

May 19, 2009

How to Move On After a Breakup

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How to move on

  Breaking up can be a painful and unpleasant experience no matter which party chose to call it quits. Some women can just wake up one day and feel better about the lost relationship. For others, the need to cling onto what you once had, especially when times were good is strong and can make it difficult to cut him loose. But when it’s over, it’s over and for your own sanity and mental well-being, you need to learn how to let go.

So how can you move on after a breakup? Here are some tips to help you:

• Unless there is a child involved, sever all ties with your ex. Don’t call, email, stalk him on Myspace, show up at his workplace or in any way have any further contact with him. If he’s still hanging around your mutual hang-outs, try to steer clear and go someplace new in town. Put some space between the two of you so you don’t obsess over what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with.
• Don’t rush to get into another relationship. It’s not fair to your "rebound guy" and you’re only setting yourself up for more hurt. Take some time for yourself before rushing to get with someone else.
• If there was abuse in the relationship, seek help dealing with this. You could seek counseling, talk with a good friend, meet with a religious leader or read a self-help book. Whatever it takes for you to overcome the pain of the abusive relationship is needed before you can completely move on with your life.
• Throw out the junk. Get rid of your old love letters, photos, that teddy bear he won you at the fair when you first started dating; throw out everything that reminds you of him.
• Do something for yourself. Take time to care for yourself. Visit a spa, get a pedicure or manicure or get your hair done. Even something as small as buying a new outfit that makes you feel great can help boost your self-esteem and your emotional state.
• Have a good support system. It’s important that you have someone you can talk to and lean on during your breakup. You will want to release your feelings and emotions and it helps to have a good shoulder to cry on. But be sure it’s a healthy situation. Don’t cry to your ex’s best friend or that cute guy at the bar. Your support system should be your mom, your best girlfriends or even a counselor or therapist.

Many women discover that it’s not their ex they’re having such a hard time letting go of but actually the feeling of being in a relationship. Being part of a couple makes us feel complete and whole. It can make us feel safe and there is a security in this, even if the relationship itself is bad. We cling to what is familiar to us even if it isn’t right or even healthy for us. Until you truly move on and let go of your ex, you will never be able to move forward into new healthy relationships.