Dating Expert & Relationship Expert Stephany Alexander – Bio

May 19, 2009

Break-Up Advice: Top 10 Ways to Recover from a Break-Up

Filed under: Uncategorized — datingrelationshipexpert @ 4:38 pm
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Break up advice

Break-ups seem to be, unfortunately a normal part of the modern day life. Healing from relationship break-ups and divorce are a difficult task at best. Some people never completely recover, carrying with them the pain of the break up through life.  Others become immobilized from the fear of getting close to a partner again. Even celebrities have break-ups; Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston to be said the most famous one.

Some women try to speed up their recovery time by replacing the void with another man or woman immediately.  According to a poll of over 8,000 women conducted by WomanSavers.com, over 57% of women have thought of having a same sex affair.  Jumping into another relationship without proper healing time is one of the worst things you can do.  Women who are guilty of this frequently suffer from codependence and have never learned how to be happy alone.  However, until a woman learns how to be happy on her own, she can never be happy with a man or woman.

Even if you are the one who initiated the breakup, the feeling of loss and separation can be distressing. There is a mental state called “separation anxiety”, which describes the feelings you may have now that your partner is no longer a part of your life, your thoughts, and your emotions. The important thing is to figure out the best way to get past this and get the breakup out of your system. The following are the top 10 ways to recover from a break up and speed up the healing process.

1.  Allow yourself plenty of healing time.  Different people heal at different rates so be patient with yourself.  It’s okay to grieve and cry, just make sure you make an effort to not use this as an excuse for being a hermit many months later.

2. Stay busy. Don’t allow yourself any “daydreaming” time. If you have time for a part time job, get one. If you don’t want a job, take up some volunteer work. Take up a hobby.  Focus on anything you enjoy.

3. Exercise and improve your diet.  Besides giving you a positive endorphin rush, joining a gym canput you into social circumstances. Through exercising and improving your diet, you’ll not only be taking care of your body and your health, you’ll improve your self-esteem as well.

4. Make an effort to meet new people. Join a club, take a class, volunteer, go the park, attend a concert. Allow these larger social groups to replace the connections you had with your lover for a while.  Take action and just do it.

5.  Seek professional therapy. There is no shame in seeking outside help.  If you can’t afford therapy, seek out a support from a relationship recovery message board.

6.  Surround yourself with as many family and friends as possible.  If your relationship with your friends and family suffered because of the huge amount of time you spent with your sweetheart, now is the time to patch up old relationships.

7. Focus on yourself.  Much of your energy went into your relationship and now you have time to pamper yourself.  Take those long baths you never had time for, read that saucy novel that has dust on it, so now is the time to work on yourself.

8.  Strengthen your spiritual side.  Go to church, learn from a yogi, or pray.  It’s amazing how these things can help re-center you.

9. Give advice to other women who have it much worse than you.  It will put things in perspective and allow you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. There are lots of people with problems far worse than yours. Help them.

10. Adopt a pet.  Studies show that people with pets are overall happier and live longer.  Go to your local animal shelter and adopt a pet in need.  Just make sure you have the time to take care of your new friend properly.

Print out this break-up advice and place it somewhere where you can see it every day.  Utilizing the above 10 ways to speed up recovering from a break-up won’t take away the pain, but it will definitely help ease it. 
 

The Right Way to Break Off a Relationship

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Right Way to Break It Off

 There often comes a time in relationships where you know it just isn’t going to work out. If for whatever reason you find it time to break up, you need to know the right way to break off a relationship. Breaking up is harder for some people than for others but no matter which type of person you are, it still helps to know the right ways to break it off cleanly.

Here are some things you should know if you feel it’s time to call it quits:

• Don’t just ignore him. Refusing to return calls, ignoring your boyfriend and avoiding him hoping he will get the hint is immature and impolite. Regardless of your reasons for breaking up, you owe it to yourself to have the respect to let him know. Not to mention, if you simply wait for him to "get the hint" it could take awhile and this could be more annoying and bothersome than simply sitting down and telling him the truth.
• Make up your mind. Don’t be one of those women who says she’s going to break it off and then makes up a few days later. Reconciliation is one thing but the continuing flip-flopping of an on-again, off-again relationship is not healthy for anyone (including your friends who have to hear about it!). If you’re going to break up, make up your mind and then follow through.
• Don’t break up over the phone. Especially do not leave a phone message, text message or email to break up with your partner. Part of being a mature and stable adult is learning to handle all situations with maturity and grace, even the negative ones. If you worry about how your boyfriend will handle the news of a breakup, you can bring along a friend or meet in a public place but don’t cop out and do it in a message.
• Don’t break up through a friend. On the same note of the point above, don’t send a friend to break the news or tell his friend to tell him you don’t want to see him anymore. Also so don’t try to get him to break up with you by your actions. If you’re dissatisfied, take responsibility of your own feelings and just let him know.
• Always be clear. Be sure you let your man know that’s over. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you have no desire to see him anymore. Phrases such as "I just need some space" or "I need some time to get my head together" will lead him on or make him think there is still a chance if he waits for you. Be blunt and allow him to move on as well.
• Offer a reason. Have you ever been dumped without a reason? Think of how you agonized over the issue, wondering what it is you did to mess up the relationship. Offer your man a reason for why you’re calling it off. Keep it simple; there’s no need to insult him or point out any and every flaw. Just tell him how you feel and why you think it isn’t working out and the relationship is beyond repair. Don’t allow him to think that if he changes somehow, you can get back together.
• Avoid breakup sex. When it’s over; it’s over. Resist the urge to have one last romp on your way out. This will only confuse him, lead him to believe you’ve changed your mind or leave you feeling guilty and sleazy. Break it off and walk away.

While breaking up is usually never a fun or easy thing to do, you will feel better about yourself and the situation when you follow these steps to the right way to break off a relationship.