Dating Expert & Relationship Expert Stephany Alexander – Bio

May 19, 2009

Break up or Make Up? When to Forgive and When to Move On

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Make up or Break up

  So you’ve had a fight, or maybe you’ve been having fights for some time now and it just doesn’t seem like things are working out. Has your partner cheated on you, lied to you, or used and abused you in some way which has caused you to think that breaking may be the right thing to do? How do you do you know if it’s time to break up or make up? How can you determine when it’s a good idea to forgive your partner and when it’s best to just move on with your life?

The truth of the matter is that no one else on this earth can tell you exactly what you should do. Ultimately, only you can make these types of decisions about what is best for you and only you and your partner together can determine whether or not your relationship with work. However, we’ve all been in a situation where it was difficult to know what to do and making the right decision was clouded by emotions.

Studies show that people who are married or in committed relationships are healthier, happier and live longer lives yet the divorce rates are higher than ever before and fewer people are getting married than in the past. So what does this mean? People are falling in love but many don’t know how to stay that way. You shouldn’t have to stay in a bad relationship and we definitely aren’t saying you should stay in an abusive or threatening relationship but this isn’t to say you should run away every time things aren’t going quite your way. Typically you will only find yourself in the same situation in future relationships unless you learn to deal with problems maturely.

When deciding if you should make up or break up, here are some things to consider:

• Was there abuse involved?
• Is your partner an addict of some sort?
• If your partner willing to get help for an addiction or other problem?
• Has your partner expressed remorse for what he has done?
• Does your partner also want to work things out?
• Can you forgive your partner for hurting you?
• Do you love him and want to be with him?
• Do you still feel happy in the relationship?

If you are unable to forgive your partner for what he has done, then it’s time to move on. If you stay in the relationship harboring resentment and anger it will tear you apart and make you both miserable. However, in many cases the problems can be resolved and the couple can learn to rebuild from some of the most destructive relationship problems such as infidelity. Many couples make up and go on to live happy lives together and some are even strengthened by the problem that once threatened to destroy them.



5 Reasons Couples Break Up

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Reasons Couples Break Up

 We hear about people breaking up every day. In fact, you probably have a lot of friends or even family who are experiencing breakups on a fairly regular basis. Why does it seem that so many couples are calling it quits these days? To truly understand why so many couples are going their separate ways, you have to understand the reasons why people are breaking up. We live in a society where we are encouraged to go after what we want and dump those things from our lives which hold us back. Could this be one reason why more people are giving up on their relationships?

Another problem could be that people are not as willing to work on their relationships anymore. We live in a somewhat selfish society where people want what they want and are not willing to compromise or participate in the give and take that is needed for a healthy relationship. There are some acts which are automatic deal-breakers for many people yet there are other problems that could potentially be resolved if we only gave it some effort. If we put half as much effort into our relationships as we did other things in our lives (such as our jobs), would there be as many couples breaking up?

To understand why so many relationships are not working out and why many of your own may not have worked out, you need to look at why people are breaking up. What are some of the top reasons that couples break up?

5 Reasons Couples Break Up (In no particular order)

1. A desire to be independent
2. Infidelity
3. Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual or combination of the three)
4. Past problems or fears interfere with current relationship
5. Not making the relationship a priority

Some people simply aren’t ready to be in a relationship. They may think that they are and then discover they are not or they may be in the beginning until certain situations arise to make them desire to be independent. In some relationships, it is a mutual decision when both parties think they would rather be alone.

Infidelity is often a deal-breaker for many relationships. While some marriages and couples survive cheating, it is a common reason for split-ups. Many people simply can’t live with a partner who would cheat on them and some split-up because the cheating party now wants to be with the other person.

Abuse is another common reason for breakups. There are many forms of abuse and it leads to the breakdown of the relationship between the two parties. Some women leave at the first sign of abuse while others put up with abuse for many years before finally calling it quits.

Past problems or fears that you have from previous relationships in your life can also interfere with your current relationship and lead to fighting and an eventual breakup. If your partner has unresolved issues from previous relationships, this can also lead to problems in yours.

One of the most common problems that couples face is with not making the relationship a priority. When you do not take time for your partner or for your relationship, it will suffer. This doesn’t just mean that you make time to deal with problems. It also means that you make time for one another on a regular basis and that you plan to spend time together regularly. Do something special or romantic for each other and show that you care. Failing to give your relationship the attention it deserves will eventually lead to the breakdown of the relationship.