Dating Expert & Relationship Expert Stephany Alexander – Bio

May 19, 2009

Break-Up Advice: Top 10 Ways to Recover from a Break-Up

Filed under: Uncategorized — datingrelationshipexpert @ 4:38 pm
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Break up advice

Break-ups seem to be, unfortunately a normal part of the modern day life. Healing from relationship break-ups and divorce are a difficult task at best. Some people never completely recover, carrying with them the pain of the break up through life.  Others become immobilized from the fear of getting close to a partner again. Even celebrities have break-ups; Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston to be said the most famous one.

Some women try to speed up their recovery time by replacing the void with another man or woman immediately.  According to a poll of over 8,000 women conducted by WomanSavers.com, over 57% of women have thought of having a same sex affair.  Jumping into another relationship without proper healing time is one of the worst things you can do.  Women who are guilty of this frequently suffer from codependence and have never learned how to be happy alone.  However, until a woman learns how to be happy on her own, she can never be happy with a man or woman.

Even if you are the one who initiated the breakup, the feeling of loss and separation can be distressing. There is a mental state called “separation anxiety”, which describes the feelings you may have now that your partner is no longer a part of your life, your thoughts, and your emotions. The important thing is to figure out the best way to get past this and get the breakup out of your system. The following are the top 10 ways to recover from a break up and speed up the healing process.

1.  Allow yourself plenty of healing time.  Different people heal at different rates so be patient with yourself.  It’s okay to grieve and cry, just make sure you make an effort to not use this as an excuse for being a hermit many months later.

2. Stay busy. Don’t allow yourself any “daydreaming” time. If you have time for a part time job, get one. If you don’t want a job, take up some volunteer work. Take up a hobby.  Focus on anything you enjoy.

3. Exercise and improve your diet.  Besides giving you a positive endorphin rush, joining a gym canput you into social circumstances. Through exercising and improving your diet, you’ll not only be taking care of your body and your health, you’ll improve your self-esteem as well.

4. Make an effort to meet new people. Join a club, take a class, volunteer, go the park, attend a concert. Allow these larger social groups to replace the connections you had with your lover for a while.  Take action and just do it.

5.  Seek professional therapy. There is no shame in seeking outside help.  If you can’t afford therapy, seek out a support from a relationship recovery message board.

6.  Surround yourself with as many family and friends as possible.  If your relationship with your friends and family suffered because of the huge amount of time you spent with your sweetheart, now is the time to patch up old relationships.

7. Focus on yourself.  Much of your energy went into your relationship and now you have time to pamper yourself.  Take those long baths you never had time for, read that saucy novel that has dust on it, so now is the time to work on yourself.

8.  Strengthen your spiritual side.  Go to church, learn from a yogi, or pray.  It’s amazing how these things can help re-center you.

9. Give advice to other women who have it much worse than you.  It will put things in perspective and allow you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. There are lots of people with problems far worse than yours. Help them.

10. Adopt a pet.  Studies show that people with pets are overall happier and live longer.  Go to your local animal shelter and adopt a pet in need.  Just make sure you have the time to take care of your new friend properly.

Print out this break-up advice and place it somewhere where you can see it every day.  Utilizing the above 10 ways to speed up recovering from a break-up won’t take away the pain, but it will definitely help ease it. 
 

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5 Reasons Couples Break Up

Filed under: Uncategorized — datingrelationshipexpert @ 4:28 pm
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Reasons Couples Break Up

 We hear about people breaking up every day. In fact, you probably have a lot of friends or even family who are experiencing breakups on a fairly regular basis. Why does it seem that so many couples are calling it quits these days? To truly understand why so many couples are going their separate ways, you have to understand the reasons why people are breaking up. We live in a society where we are encouraged to go after what we want and dump those things from our lives which hold us back. Could this be one reason why more people are giving up on their relationships?

Another problem could be that people are not as willing to work on their relationships anymore. We live in a somewhat selfish society where people want what they want and are not willing to compromise or participate in the give and take that is needed for a healthy relationship. There are some acts which are automatic deal-breakers for many people yet there are other problems that could potentially be resolved if we only gave it some effort. If we put half as much effort into our relationships as we did other things in our lives (such as our jobs), would there be as many couples breaking up?

To understand why so many relationships are not working out and why many of your own may not have worked out, you need to look at why people are breaking up. What are some of the top reasons that couples break up?

5 Reasons Couples Break Up (In no particular order)

1. A desire to be independent
2. Infidelity
3. Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual or combination of the three)
4. Past problems or fears interfere with current relationship
5. Not making the relationship a priority

Some people simply aren’t ready to be in a relationship. They may think that they are and then discover they are not or they may be in the beginning until certain situations arise to make them desire to be independent. In some relationships, it is a mutual decision when both parties think they would rather be alone.

Infidelity is often a deal-breaker for many relationships. While some marriages and couples survive cheating, it is a common reason for split-ups. Many people simply can’t live with a partner who would cheat on them and some split-up because the cheating party now wants to be with the other person.

Abuse is another common reason for breakups. There are many forms of abuse and it leads to the breakdown of the relationship between the two parties. Some women leave at the first sign of abuse while others put up with abuse for many years before finally calling it quits.

Past problems or fears that you have from previous relationships in your life can also interfere with your current relationship and lead to fighting and an eventual breakup. If your partner has unresolved issues from previous relationships, this can also lead to problems in yours.

One of the most common problems that couples face is with not making the relationship a priority. When you do not take time for your partner or for your relationship, it will suffer. This doesn’t just mean that you make time to deal with problems. It also means that you make time for one another on a regular basis and that you plan to spend time together regularly. Do something special or romantic for each other and show that you care. Failing to give your relationship the attention it deserves will eventually lead to the breakdown of the relationship.